Everyday Systems: nosdiet: message 2458 of 3212

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Hey all, I had a couple of hours this morning as my mom took Richard 
to see the Lemony Snicket movie (lucky them :)
So I went to look at clothes... 
Oh waiter, reality "check please"! LOL
It wasn't great but it wasn't terrible, I'm just on the sidelines of 
what "normal" people can wear, so I know that theres hope... I think 

I'm just in enthusiam limbo these days... With a little more effort 
on my part about being very strict and a little bit more exercise 
daily, I will get my pilot light burning again. I really want this 
you guys. I don't know if any of you are the same as me, but for so 
many years, I thought about my weight, and my dieting efforts, as a 
way of getting someone else to love me and find me attractive... I 
never had enough time alone, to allow that to develop in the absence 
of a relationship... I have been alone now and it's been a very 
important growth period for me, since around 2001 and it is finally 
occurring to me that I truly want to feel good for *ME* now... I'm 
kindof tearing up right now because it's almost as if I didn't ever 
figure into the picture at all, in the past... Just what others 
thought of me.. it was all external motivation and I am just 
assuming, a way of thinking that is a byproduct of low self esteem 
from early on.... I am tired of feeling like I am unimportant and 
don't deserve all of my best effort.. If I wanted to please someone 
else, in the past, and probably still now, I would bend over 
backwards to do my very best... so why do I deserve any less. At the 
moment I am really feeling like I'm going through a pretty major 
catharsis and crossroads today guys...
I know that most of my posts are pretty light hearted but I want you 
all to know the serious feelings I am having right now, because I 
feel I have truly bonded with many of you and just felt like 
sharing. Today may be the first day, no exagerrations here, that I 
have really felt that I want to succeed for me. I'm not going to 
wait a minute longer. So I just had to let someone know, because 
this is something really alien to me... I feel a little scared too.
I am going into this week with my fullmetal jacket, and all my rules 
ready at attention... The procrastination about 21 days is over. So 
two words about this coming week....

It's on!

You have been wonderful supporters, especially Reinhard and my usual 
funloving correspondents, and I think I finally found the motivation 
that I've needed, but was in a far away corner of my mind till now.
Wish me luck, I know you are all going through it with me and that 
makes it very nice.

Thanks for listening all! Kisses and Hugs all around :)
Peace Love and Good Will Towards *me* (and all)
Debbie