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Hey people how's it hanging? :)
Okay, here I go again... I managed to have a great first week and a
really sketchy one last week, in my attempt at 3 great weeks in
succession... So I give myself a B+ and a new class is beginning
today.
We had a virus last week and Richard had symptoms from Wednesday
till Monday... So, we were really home quite a lot more than normal,
even for Winter... I had one official "sick day" last week and
yesterday was just a boring stressful day at home so by the time
evening came I overate and paid the price...It's funny because, at
this point, if I have a real overeating session, I feel like I am
going to exploded! It wasn't even that much! Just half a bag of
microwave popcorn and, of all weird foods,,, a bowl of lima beans
with some tomato sauce! Talk about weird! LOL :) ... Well, things
have been getting pretty bad with power struggles and incessant
conflict between mom and I... My practice is building so slowly and
I am not self sufficient yet, so it's a bad Catch 22, and as much as
I would like to move out, at the moment it just isn't at all
possible...I'm working on it though, and I hope we can move sometime
really soon...It's very frustrating to say the least. I know that I
wouldn't have eaten the way I did if I wasn't seeking some "comfort"
and relief from this totally disfunctional relationship... It was an
unhealthy motive to eat and it wasn't even enjoyable... Who could
believe that "snacks" have turned into something *unenjoyable*?
(hey maybe they never were and I was simply eating in some sort of
food coma!) By the time bedtime rolled around, I was still really
stressed, and the "old" me would have continued to binge, regardless
of hunger or fullness, but I am really happy and proud to say that
even when I could have reverted back to my old destructive
behaviour, I chose to grab some water, stir in a little of my new
wonder-elixir "Emergen C" (just vitamins and potassium...) and I
went to bed... So as disgusting as I felt physically from being
stuffed, I embrace that experience wholeheartedly because it was a
great lesson and one in which I was able to be both "unconscious
eating out of stress old me" and, the same time "new me" looking
almost as if from the sidelines of a bad football game... Wanting
those new habits to pulverize the old ones...Well they are really
coming along, and next time I will try to remember how great it
feels to be able to go to sleep knowing I did my best...Being inside
for the cold months is such a trap... It gets pretty boring even
when you try to occupy the time, so this is really up against me
too...
Anyway, I think I did pretty well overall and had 7 good N days out
of a potential 10 for two weeks... I still have SG'ed (except on
the "sick" day) and I am going to start today, to slash out 10 fresh
N days... Yes theres a break here guys, so call it what you will,
but I feel so happy that my momentum isn't simply crushed and I am
not demoralized at all, that I want to be nice and give myself
credit for, at least a great first week....So I'll let you know how
it all goes in a week or two :)
Good Luck to all my amigos! Old and New :)
Peace and Love,
Deb
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