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Hey people how's it hanging? :) Okay, here I go again... I managed to have a great first week and a really sketchy one last week, in my attempt at 3 great weeks in succession... So I give myself a B+ and a new class is beginning today. We had a virus last week and Richard had symptoms from Wednesday till Monday... So, we were really home quite a lot more than normal, even for Winter... I had one official "sick day" last week and yesterday was just a boring stressful day at home so by the time evening came I overate and paid the price...It's funny because, at this point, if I have a real overeating session, I feel like I am going to exploded! It wasn't even that much! Just half a bag of microwave popcorn and, of all weird foods,,, a bowl of lima beans with some tomato sauce! Talk about weird! LOL :) ... Well, things have been getting pretty bad with power struggles and incessant conflict between mom and I... My practice is building so slowly and I am not self sufficient yet, so it's a bad Catch 22, and as much as I would like to move out, at the moment it just isn't at all possible...I'm working on it though, and I hope we can move sometime really soon...It's very frustrating to say the least. I know that I wouldn't have eaten the way I did if I wasn't seeking some "comfort" and relief from this totally disfunctional relationship... It was an unhealthy motive to eat and it wasn't even enjoyable... Who could believe that "snacks" have turned into something *unenjoyable*? (hey maybe they never were and I was simply eating in some sort of food coma!) By the time bedtime rolled around, I was still really stressed, and the "old" me would have continued to binge, regardless of hunger or fullness, but I am really happy and proud to say that even when I could have reverted back to my old destructive behaviour, I chose to grab some water, stir in a little of my new wonder-elixir "Emergen C" (just vitamins and potassium...) and I went to bed... So as disgusting as I felt physically from being stuffed, I embrace that experience wholeheartedly because it was a great lesson and one in which I was able to be both "unconscious eating out of stress old me" and, the same time "new me" looking almost as if from the sidelines of a bad football game... Wanting those new habits to pulverize the old ones...Well they are really coming along, and next time I will try to remember how great it feels to be able to go to sleep knowing I did my best...Being inside for the cold months is such a trap... It gets pretty boring even when you try to occupy the time, so this is really up against me too... Anyway, I think I did pretty well overall and had 7 good N days out of a potential 10 for two weeks... I still have SG'ed (except on the "sick" day) and I am going to start today, to slash out 10 fresh N days... Yes theres a break here guys, so call it what you will, but I feel so happy that my momentum isn't simply crushed and I am not demoralized at all, that I want to be nice and give myself credit for, at least a great first week....So I'll let you know how it all goes in a week or two :) Good Luck to all my amigos! Old and New :) Peace and Love, Deb |
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