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Hey peeps!
I have been pretty much on the "slide" for about a week now (not
including the weekend, which was ironically not too bad)
I've had problems at home, need some work very badly and I just felt
like I was starting to not care much about diet with all the rest
happening...destructive thinking perhaps, but when stress gets
really overwhelming (not to whine too much, but going to the
supermarket with your sons allowance money isn't exactly fun, or
buying one gallon of gas at a time)
I don't know too much about astrology, and sorry for the tangent,
but one woman once told me that Cancers need money for security..
Well clearly we all do, but when I am low on funds it just sends me
into a total panic, and the worse the stress the less healthy my
food choices get...
I even started eating at night in the middle of the night again.
Big cry for help here!
So incase you haven't noticed my posts have had some subtle signs of
my mood and diet feelings (even that one about the salad, it should
be with my meal! And I just need to prioritize again...)
I especially want to thank Julie from the bottom of my heart for her
wonderful support because off list I went and cryed on her shoulder
about all the crap that's been going on and not only did she show me
some great empathy, she encouraged me to stay tough and not throw in
the towel but to focus on all the good hard work I have done so far
in changing bad habits, both for me and my wonderful and loving son
Richard...She also told me to not be so hard on myself, and I guess
in retrospect, I have been...A bad diet day doesn't mean give up and
she reminded me to get over it and move on :)
Thank you so much sister Jools! You read between my words
of "complacency" and heard the cry for help, and then you had the
courage to lend me and I really will always remember it! And thanks
for everyone else too, I was too sad and depressed (and ashamed) to
make a public announcement that I was starting to use food to numb
my feelings again, but I'm sure if I had, there would have been a
flood of responses :)
Once I have a job to go to things should be a lot less stressful and
I am sure I will feel happier and therefore make good choices again.
I had to buy Richard some new magic markers the other day and even
paying 4 dollars was a huge "splurge" I can't afford right now, so
having some income, even part time, while my office is quiet, will
make me feel much more at ease.
And I won't be home being bored and stressed as much and not be such
a "Deadhead" (credit to Jools! :) LOL...
I am forgoing the 21 days thing for the time being and changing my
sights to a day by day challenge.... That feels less pressured to me
at the moment and when I have a bad day I won't feel any extra "man
I screwed up my 3 weeks" in the back of my head and just start fresh
the next day....The money issue also impacts my eating in another
way. When I have money I can buy, and tend to buy, much healthier
meals, as opposed to eating off some fast food menu... Let's face
it, when you have 99 cents and you can buy macaroni and cheese for
it, you choose it because it's affordable (as well as being a
classic "comfort" food) So sorry guys for not being completely
forthcoming for the past few days, even had two days
of "chocolatizing" but it's out of my system, and the good news is
that it hasn't turned into an entire Winter of binging... It didn't
make me feel better so I know it's not something I wish to repeat.
Good luck friends old and new :)
Love and Peace,
Deb :)
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